our normal...my normal...

I often feel unsatisfied. Like there is so much more I should have or that I should do. Then I put on a load of washing, into my automatic washing machine that plugs into the wall with electricity that I can afford to make it work, and watch perfectly crystal clear water, that I make no effort to bring into my house, fall into the machine to wash my clothes that I have worn once. And it makes me think about people around the world and what their normal looks like. Some only own the clothes they're wearing. Some live without electricity. Some walk for miles to collect water, that probably isn't safe to drink, to use in their home for that day. Others wash by hand in a river and don't complain about it. In this small act I realised I do have enough. And what I own is probably more then what I need. I am always telling my girls to be thankful for what they have instead of asking for more. Perhaps I should practice what I preach.

This is Zarat, our sponsor child in Uganda, one of her jobs is to collect her families water-I wont even begin to tell what happens to a lot of girls who do this. She sends us letters thanking us for birthday money and telling us that she bought her first ever mattress with it-this leaves me speechless. She pays her school fees and buys her uniforms with it too. Completly unbelievable. May I be thankful for all I have and not take any of it for granted.

a good (Gold Coast) Samaritan???

My wonderful husband took the girls and I out for dinner tonight - a mega treat for us! As we approached our restaurant we stopped at some traffic lights and there at a bus stop was a woman with about 15 grocery bags full of clothes. I couldn't tell if she was homeless and they were all her possessions or if she had just somehow come by them. She was wearing about 3 mismatched layers of clothes and was frantically going through the bags of clothes. My heart felt sad seeing someone in that state and instantly I wondered how she had got to that place in life. Immediately I thought of the parable of The Good Samaritan and I felt like the one who "worked" (served, worshiped) at the church and passed to the other side of the road and kept going. Who am I to know what I know, feel how I feel, believe what I believe and yet not even stop and just ask if she is ok? I used the excuse that we were having family time and I have 4 children etc etc but at the end of the day I saw someone in need and did nothing about it.
It's all about the one. It's all about love. It's all about loving the one. I don't have the answers all I know is how I'm feeling right now. That I'm thinking about that lady out there right now all alone. I pray that a Samaritan found her and loved her and fed her and clothed her.

handsfree

Yesterday for a whole hour I sat outside and watched my kids play. I noticed everything they did, commented on how well they jumped on the trampoline or rode their bike. There was nothing I didn't see and nothing I didn't make them feel good about. I could see how loved they felt and proud they were to show off their talents. And, surprisingly, it made me feel good, one of the moments in my day I felt like I was doing motherhood right...
Usually when I go outside with them I have my phone in one hand and my eyes are on it the whole time, I only look up if someone yelled out or hurt themself. But in that wonderful hour I realised that I not only need go out with them more often, but always without my phone. All that social media will always be there, but my little precious children wont be little for much longer. Before I know it they'll be grown and not in my backyard to enjoy.
So heres to a life handsfree. A life where my eyes and hands are there for my children. To love and hold and to take notice of every moment. Because on this journey I am realising that no matter how little what they do seems to me, to them its huge!!

Faith & Prayer

Another movie, another night of tears. One line, said by one girl, bought up fears and emotions in a way I couldn't have imagined.
"I never thought someone like you would love a girl like me"
That was it, short and simple, and of course the movie played on. But not me, I cried & cried in a rush of memories and emotions. I instantly thought of my 3 gorgeous daughters and all this life will put them through. All the decisions they will face. To love or not to love, to run or to stay, to give in or fight for what they believe.
I spent most of my 20's believing no one would love a girl like me. Hearing this line immediately made me think of my beautiful girls. That I never want them to feel how I felt. I never want them to be hurt and know pain like I had known it. I want them to make great choices which lead them to live a great life.
And that, I know, completely depends on how we bring them up. In a home of love, where they know they are loved and know acceptance and are totally secure.
These toddler years are hard and feel like they are never going to end, but the thought of them being teenagers and then in their 20's requirers more faith and prayer then I truly realise.

FEARless

We saw "The secret Life of Walter Mitty" today. It touched me like I didn't expect and made me think about things i hadn't thought before. In one small scene i realised how gripped in fear i was and how all these fears had effected my life.
There's a scene where the female lead character is playing a guitar and singing to Walter, and in that moment i realised there were so many things in life i don't do because I'm afraid. Afraid of how hard it is and afraid of failure, not doing well, my lifelong fear - afraid I'm not good enough.
I don't play any instruments, because its hard and i mightn't do that well. I didn't finish high school because i was terrified of the HSC. I've never applied for University because of the entrance exam (the one you have to do because you didn't finish high school) and now i live forever feeling intimidated by anyone with a university degree. Honestly and ashamedly, my list of un-achievements because of fear could go on.
That moment made me realise i needed to not be afraid anymore because i don't want my kids turning out like me, afraid and held back. I wanted them to seize every opportunity that came their way and run with it and become the best them that they could be.
This can only happen if i make today my stake in the ground day. The day i decide to not be afraid any more. I want to live a life that my kids see their mum will do anything and try anything. That to them i am fearless and in turn they will grow and be fearless. I want to raise children that strive for righteousness and live for justice and show mercy and grace to everyone they encounter.
Today i will start, today i will make the choice to live life unafraid.

perspective

I just washed up, boiled the jug and steralised my babies bottles...all that time thinking of women on the other side of the world from me and all they do to look after their bubba's with the little they may have. The lack of clean water let alone water that flows into their homes..how blessed are we to turn on a tap!!!
I cant help it..its how I'm wired..everyday everything I do, I think like that..when I "want" something new, I remind myself that at least I have something old, at least I have something. Every time I eat I feel so blessed, never do I worry that I'm going to go without or that my children might die due to starvation or malnutrition. Everyday I go for a walk, never do I worry for my or my children's safety, both as a woman and also as a christian. My life is not in danger here in this blessed country that i live in.
Its about thankfulness and perspective..no matter our circumstance we have something to be thankful for!!!

i'm alive

Gods word is alive. I've heard that my whole life. But it's more true then I realise. Just as we move ourselves to be somewhere for someone in need, so too does the word "move" to be there for us. I just had one of those "bible fell open on the exact verse I needed" moments.

 As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice. He rescues me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me. God, who is enthroned from of old,
who does not change—
he will hear them and humble them
because they have no fear of God.
Psalm 55:16-19 NIV

Made my day, touched my heart. Comforted me right where I needed it. Thank you faithful Father...